did you get engaged???
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got inside last night via doggy door
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
