I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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