I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
