Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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