Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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