things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
