Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
