my phone needs a breathalizer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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