i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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