Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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