Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
