Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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