We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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