So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
did you just send me my own nude
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
