i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
