Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
