listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
