We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
