the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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