u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The ass gains better be worth it
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