Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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