his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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