and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
