Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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