Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
