we have officially lost it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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