dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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