So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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