who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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