Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
