Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
