and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
