i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
