Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
