Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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