I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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