I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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