I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
