My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
