You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
