I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
