Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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