i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google imaged poop.
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
