That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
