quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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