Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
