After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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