Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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