i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
