my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
