that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
