Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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