I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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