I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
